Waking up to myself
Some thoughts after a conversation about self-eminence and making conscious choices to reclaim my time, energy and purpose.
Last month I was a guest on a podcast about making yourself the prime project of your life. I spoke to Briony Liber who launched her new podcast called The Eminence Project.
It was a full-hearted conversation about how I left my corporate career at the age of 51 to dive into a sabbatical year filled with experimentation and rediscovery, a year to redesign my life into something more aligned with my values and purpose.
“At 50, I began to know who I was. It was like waking up to myself.” - Maya Angelou
Listen here:
I met a potential coaching client for a chemistry session this week, and she quoted something I said in this podcast back to me, so I thought I better listen to the conversation again.
I was talking about how you initially go through life automatically, from pre-primary school to primary school to high school to university to graduate to junior manager to manager to senior manager and then some day, around 35-40 years old you wake up. Stealing a quote from Briony, you “sleep your way to the top,” and then suddenly you wake up and you look around and you wonder: “Is this where I want to be?”
This thought-process is not new. When I was doing my EMBA1 the prof who teaches executives to be humans (Chris Breen) showed us a video which has a similar concept. The video is narrated by Alan Watts and it’s about how life shouldn’t be a race from start to finish. Instead life is like a musical thing and you are supposed to dance and sing along to the music while it’s playing.
I am sure these concepts sound familiar to anyone who’s ever attended a motivational talk. In theory most of us would like a life where we are happy-in-the-moment and smelling the roses. Because I’ve always been an optimistic person with a very positive social media presence it may have looked like I was living that life already, and lots of that was true, but you don’t share the stuff you want to change or are unhappy about or may be longing for on socials.
It’s not easy to uproot your life, a life that many others may yearn for and admire. “I thought you were going to be the next COO,” said the prospective client. Well, I don’t know if that’s true, but either way some people at the company thought I was destined for greater things.
As much as I (mostly) enjoyed my job, and loved (most of) the people I worked with, there was this niggle in the back of my mind:
“Who was I when I wasn’t a cog in the wheel of a big corporate?”
“Was there a way I could live a life 100% of my own making, doing something that didn’t even feel like work?
Little disclaimer here: I’ve been thinking about this since my late twenties, but like most people in their twenties/thirties/forties…the pull of “should” is strong.
You should use the degree you just got. Why did you go to university if you’re not going to use it.
You should climb the corporate ladder, especially if you’re smart and ambitious.
You should get married and buy a house and get a nice car.
…and then of course there’s all the obligations to family, which I think is a good should.
Should is useful - because it teaches you discipline and negotiation and how life actually works (especially when your should-marriage comes tumbling down), but at some point you are allowed to start questioning all the shoulds.
So, after three decades of shoulds (both positive and negative) I decided to experiment with all the things I might want to do for the rest of my life: coaching, writing, landscaping, yoga-instructing, botanical drawings, trekking, adventuring, starting my own business.
This re-design didn’t happen overnight…it took lots of planning and a whole heap of courage to leave a comfortable job, where I knew how things worked. And when I see promotion updates for people I used to work with and did development programmes with…there is a tiny little pang of “that could have been me.” But, at the same time, I am building something that is all mine, and I get a huge kick out of every small success, every new client, every flicker of a light bulb in a client’s eyes when they’ve discovered how amazing and resourceful they are.
Thanks, Briony for choosing me as your first guest on the Eminence Project. When I listened to our conversation again we sounded so in tune, bouncing our soul-searching stories off one another. For me this comment on our Spotify podcast link sums up our conversation perfectly:
Raw and inspiring conversation. So relatable. I love how you both skillfully balance vulnerability with professionalism, modelling how not to fall into victimhood when faced with the inevitability of mid life.” - Lin
Lots of love
If you are on the threshold of a big change in your life, be it stepping up in your career or taking a sabbatical, I am happy to guide you through the process. Book your first (free) 30min do-we-have-chemistry session here.
How do you know if someone has done an MBA?
If conversations like ours can help others the these conversations are worth it! Thank you for being my first guest and for sharing your experiences with all of us!
They tell you😁